is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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