were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
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Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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