I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
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I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
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Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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