we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
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So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
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I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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