I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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