My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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