I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize