Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
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I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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