So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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