My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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