my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize