ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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