Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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