question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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