i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize