btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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