Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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