This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize