I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize