I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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