So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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