I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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