You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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