Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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