what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize