Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize