Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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