His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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