why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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