yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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