College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
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I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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