I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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