first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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