don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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It's rum buckets o'clock
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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