Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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