Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize