So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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