I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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