omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize