Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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