can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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There r osticjed everywhere
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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