I faked an abortion last night.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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