I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize