My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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