I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
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there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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