My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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