WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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