xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize