he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
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knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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