I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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